Though I Won’t Mean To, I Will Push You Away When We First Start Dating

Thought Catalog

Brittani LepleyBrittani Lepley

You don’t know me yet, but you will, and when you do, as I do with countless others, I will push you away, and I want to explain why.

I will push you away not because I don’t want to be with you, but because wanting to be with you means me giving all of me, and that’s a concept too hard for me to fathom.

Many things have happened to me in my life which have caused me to put up walls. Not just little building block walls, but sky-scraping, barbed wire-covered, impenetrable walls. These walls are hard for a regular man to break through at once, but little by little, with a bit of hard work, rope and wire cutters, it can be overcome. And that’s what I want: someone to overcome my walls; to prove to me that I am worth the effort, worth the…

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10 Confessions Of Someone With Depression

Thought Catalog

1. There’s a difference between sadness and depression, and though that doesn’t take away from a diagnosis, it is empowering as a distinction.

Though you may feel depressed, a person who has depression is not always a “depressed person,” in whatever way — hyperbolic or otherwise — that phrase has come to mean. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety, and obsessive tendencies when I was a teenager, but I probably exhibited symptoms of depression long before that. Still, I didn’t understand why sometimes I would just feel sad, and sometimes I’d suddenly just find everything to be entirely too much and shut off from the rest of the world at the drop of a hat. Those moments were stronger than your run-of-the-mill sadness. Slowly, you learn to distinguish what is just feeling sad and what is depression, and you begin to strategize when it comes to seeing each one through.

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101 Things I Will Teach My Daughters

Thought Catalog

1. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.

2. A properly-fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

3. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.

4. How to apply red lipstick.

5. How to wear the crap out of red lipstick.

6. A boyfriend does not validate your existence.

7. Eat the extra slice of pizza.

8. Wear what makes you feel gracefully at ease.

9. Love the world unconditionally.

10. Seek beauty in all things.

11. Buy your friends dinner when you can.

12. Wear sunscreen like it’s your second job.

13. Try with all your might to keep in contact with far-away friends.

14. Make the world feel at ease around you.

15. Walk with your head up.

16. Order a cheeseburger on the first date if you want to.

17. Never, ever bite your nails.

18. Swipe on some lipstick, put on your leather…

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Fall In Love, But Always Pick Up The Pieces

Thought Catalog

Love is so beautiful. Love is a beautiful feeling most especially when someone you love gives it to you back. Love can be destructive, too, and can be the loss of a relationship. It’s okay to fall in love but always pick up the pieces.

Don’t let someone mend your heart for you. Always let people know you can stand alone and you can heal wounds from your broken love. Always let people see you’re strong but let them know, too, that you’re hurting and you need their help. No man is an island after all. Never look for a rebound. It will never help you in standing up in your own two feet. Don’t find someone else that may possibly pick up the pieces for you. It is you who make your heart broken so don’t let others get it for you.

And if you have friends who are…

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My Mind Has Three Corners: The Happy, The Sad, And The One Where Monsters Roam Freely

Thought Catalog

People rarely visit the third one. I never let them. I know they’ll start running away, screaming, cowering away from me. When that happens, more monsters come for me. And one can only take too much.

I am panting now, as I have just finished defeating another monster. But as I look around, I see more of them coming.

Sometimes, I escape, ending up in the happy side.

It’s bright in here, like I’m inside the sun. But the warmth is just enough, comforting even. As I wander through it, I slowly realize I’m at the end, staring at the streets of sadness.

I stroll through them, biding my time. It’s quiet and dark here, like the night. Yet, there’s a sense of calm and peace in it. If you look at the sky, it’ll always be starless. The clouds always blocked everything, even the moon. I feel the cold…

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6 Popular (And Untrue) Myths About Mistresses

Thought Catalog


I made the mistake of telling a friend (who is dating an awesome girl he loves) that I just ended an affair with a married man. I was upset, vulnerable, and he was online.

He has been a good shoulder to lean on during heartache in the past. This friend then immediately started talking dirty to me and offered to fly me out to see him. Wow! Anger would be an understatement. If anything, mistresses have higher standards than run-of-the-mill “moral” women. Here are some tips to get people like my friend through this out-of-the-ordinary scenario.

I am not a slut.

You might assume that since I do not subscribe to the social doctrine of monogamy that I am a “slut.” I’m not. I have likely had less sexual partners than you, and I don’t sleep with everything that moves. I enjoy the chase, and you hitting on me…

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How To Get An MBA From Eminem

Thought Catalog

In 2002 I was driving to a hedge fund manager’s house to hopefully raise money from him. I was two hours late. This was pre-GPS and I had no cell phone. I was totally lost.

I kept playing over and over again “Lose Yourself” by Eminem.

I was afraid this was my one shot and I was blowing it. I was even crying in my car. I was going broke and I felt this was my one chance. What a loser.

Finally I got there. The hedge fund manager was dressed all in pink. His house was enormous. Maybe 20,000 square feet. His cook served us a great meal. I had made him wait two hours to eat. And he had cancer at the time. I felt real bad.

Then we played chess and it was fun and he gave me a tour of the house. One room was just…

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